Who am I?
by grotevos
Summary: Crowley comes up with a game called 'who am I?" to play with Pauline, Halt, Cassandra, Horace, Will, Alyss, Jenny, Gilan and Duncan during the holidays. Halt thinks it's silly, of course, but is given no choice. Humor! Spoilers for books 1-10.
1. Chapter 1

"I do not play games!"

"O come on, Halt. This game is really funny. I spent an entire day preparing it!"

"Then you need this afternoon to catch up with your paperwork!"

"And I brought Arridian coffee!"

"Are you trying to bribe me, commandant?"

Crowley opened to the door en pushed Halt inside.

"Good catch Crowley!" Pauline grinned. "Now sit down Halt, it's good to spend some time relaxing and enjoying with friends during the holidays. Be quiet please, so Crowley can explain us the rules."

Halt looked around for help.

"Sit down Halt. That's an order from your king." Duncan spoke. Finally Halt gave in and sat down between Horace and his wife. Cassandra handed him a mug of coffee.

"Ok, listen everybody. This game is called _Who am I?_. Pauline, Halt, Horace and Cassandra, you will be team one. Alyss, Will, Jenny and Gilan, you will be team 2. Duncan agreed to be the jury. And I am your quiz master!" Crowley jumped around the room in excitement. "There will be four rounds with a… different types of personalities. When it's your turn, your job is to find out who you are."

"I am Halt." Halt tried to stand up but was pulled back to the couch by Pauline and Horace.

"Thank you." Crowley said to Pauline and Horace. He continued: "I show the other team a note with your name. You may ask them any question that can be answered with "yes" or "no". All questions must be answered truthfully. Duncan will see to that. Your team members are allowed to help you. After five minutes, I'll ask you who you are. If your answer is correct, your team scores one point. Questions? No questions! Great! Shall we start?"

"I'll go first Crowley." Pauline said.

"Excellent, excellent!" Crowley looked as if he was about to get a laughing fit. "The first round is animals!". He walked over to Alyss and gave her the first note. She smirked when she read it and passed it on to Will. "This is going to be interesting…" Will said handing the note to Jenny. Gilan looked over her shoulder and started giggling. Then he passed the note to Duncan. Crowley looked at Pauline: "Are you ready"? Pauline nodded.

"Alyss, am I a pet?"

"A pet?" Alyss looked at Will.

"Answering questions with questions…" Halt sighted. "Don't you know what a pet is? An animal owned by a person and living under his roof! Crowley, wh.."

"I am sorry, Halt. Yes, Pauline, you are a pet." Alyss interrupted Halt while Horace kept him seated.

"Will, am I cute?"

Will looked at his teammates, exchanging grins. "The cutest of the household!"

"Jury! Questions should be answered with 'yes' or 'no'." Halt looked annoyed.

"No Halt, it should be possible to answer the questions with 'yes' or 'no'. But the answer only has to be truthful." Duncan replied.

"It was a stupid question anyway! Who cares if animals are cute? All newborn animals look cute." "And all old ones look grim and act moody my dear?" Pauline asked.

"Jenny, do you serve me in your restaurant?"

"Your kind is not favoured by most people, but you're definitely edible." Jenny answered.

"Although you might be a little too old to taste good." Gilan added with a serious face. Crowley giggled and Pauline noted Duncan hiding a smile.

"May I ask a question, Pauline?" Evanlyn winked at Pauline. Pauline nodded.

"Gilan, do you consider whatever Pauline is an intelligent being?"

"Yes. More than his owner!" Jenny punched him but Duncan remained silent.

"I suspected that".

Horace looked surprised at his wife. She leaned over to him and whispered something in his ear. He glanced at Halt en Pauline en grinned. He looked at team 2 at the other side of the fireplace and asked: "Is Pauline loved by her owner?"

"Well," Will started, "he will never admit that." Gilan interrupted: "But he secretly feeds you a treat every day." Team two laughed, and so was Crowley. "Time is running out Pauline! One final question?"

"Hmmm…". Pauline grinned and winked at team 2. "Do I have a maid?"

Will and Gilan looked at each other: "Yes!" and the rolled of the couch laughing.

Crowley rang a little bell, whipping the tears from his eyes. "Now, Pauline, tell me, who are you?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Je suis le cheval royal Abelard!".

Team 2 was cheering loudly for Pauline. Crowley was whipping tears from his cheeks. "Well done, Pauline. Team 1 scores one point!"

Halt looked stunned. "Something wrong, Halt?" Duncan asked.

Then the coin dropped. Halt turned towards Pauline: "I thought your Gallican was better, dear."

Pauline raised an eyebrow.

"For a moment, I thought you said Abelard. But you mistake cheval for chien. Le chien royal Abel!" He pointed to the two dogs lying in front of the fireplace. Ebony looked up and shook her head.

Now everyone was laughing even harder.

"It's that kind of game….". Halt glared at the others.

After everyone had calmed down, Pauline took the next note from Crowley. She took a sharp breath in and passed in on to Halt. "What? I thought this was supposed to be a fair and fun game!". Horace grabbed the note from his hands and grinned: "Don't you have fun memories about these Halt?" and passed the note to Cassandra.

"Are you ready Alyss?" Crowley asked. Alyss nodded. "The floor is yours then!"

"Pauline, can you find me in the forest?"

"I'm not much of a tracker, dear. However, I'm sure you track me."

"Halt, are you scared of me?"

"No."

"Halt..." Duncan intervened.

"Yes, your majesty?".

"May I remind you of the one rule about answering the questions?".

"Why would that be necessary? You wouldn't be so silly to fear a dead animal, would you?"

Pauline put her hand on Halt's arm. "Enough, dear."

Jenny quickly jumped in: "Horace, since Alyss is dead, I might turn her into your dinner. How would you prefer me to serve her? Cooked, grilled, in a stove, raw perhaps?"

Horace looked helplessly at Halt. Halt looked at Duncan, smiling dangerously: "Isn't that question against the yes-or-no-rule?"

But before Duncan could speak, Cassandra answered: "All no's. Put her on a barbecue!"

Will whispered something in Gilan's ear. Gilan grinned and asked Halt: "Is it difficult to kill Alyss? Or would, let's say, one arrow suffice for a decent archer?"

"Stupid apprentices. Always asking two questions at once." Halt sighted. Horace laughed. Halt glared at him: "May I remind you that the statistics for rangers are better than for knights?"

Crowley rang the bell. "Alyss, tell us, who are you?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Next time I want I challenge, Crowley. The last one of my kind was killed by the cutest archer sitting next to me. I am a Kalkara!"

Everyone cheered for Alyss.

"Next round is dead people!" Crowley was very excited. "Halt, your turn!"

"I have had enough of this nonsense."

"Dear…."

"All right! I will show you how you play this game decently. I only want yes or no for answers. No more nonsense! You understand?"

"Yes, Halt." Team two answered.

Crowley gave Alyss the note.

"Crowley, no!" She exclaimed.

Will read the note. "Excellent choice, commandant."

Crowley bowed. "Yes!"

Gilan smirked.

Jenny mumbled: "Decent? Some challenge you gave us."

Halt ignored them.

"Alyss, did I die on a battlefield?"

"No."

"Will, did I die from an illness?"

"No."

"Doesn't stupidity count as an illness?" Gilan whispered to Will.

"Shut up, Gil. Let Halt demonstrate his superior method."

"Jenny, did I die in a fight?"

"No."

"So, I was assassinated?" Halt looked at Gilan.

Gilan raised an eyebrow. "Was that a question or a statement?"

Halt glared at Gilan.

"Doesn't he look good?" Alyss whispered to Will.

"Alyss, did my assassin use a dagger?"

"No."

"Will, did he use an arrow?"

"He? Jumping to conclusions, are you?"

"Did my assassin use are arrow, Will?"

"Yes."

"Jenny, was my assassin a man?"

"Yes."

"I think he looks refined." Will whispered back to Alyss. Horace smirked.

"Gilan, was I a man?"

Gilan smirked. "No."

Horace laughed. Halt glared at Horace. Horace looked innocent and said: "My imagination, Halt. You wearing a band in your dyed and neatly cut hair…" Nine people burst out in laughter.

"Very funny, Horace. Thank heavens that I am nearly done. There are not many women assassinated by an arrow."

Everyone looked at Halt but he remained silent.

"Can we help you, dear?" Pauline whispered to Halt.

"I can't remember any woman successfully assassinated by arrow."

Team 2 and Horace laughed.

"What so funny?" Halt snarled at Horace.

"People who are assassinated are not random people, Halt. They are usually royals, nobles or dangerous opponents like rangers. It may help to find out in what category you fell."

"Thank you, Horace." Halt looked surprised.

"Alyss, was I member of a royal family?"

"Yes."

Halt looked at Cassandra. "Gallica, Iberion, do you remember one of their princesses assassinated by arrow?"

Crowley rang his bell. "Halt, who were you?"


End file.
